Beat it.

I generally take little notice of the crap that passes for news on the front page of the redtops but one caught my eye this morning as I walked through Asda's cooling lobby. It was on the front page of several so I won't bother quoting a specific, suffice to say that the gist of it was that the well-known late popstar isn't the father of his own children, whom I believe to called Princess Anne, Prince Michael of Kent II and Bedbug.

I didn't stop to read any of the articles but I am surprised it has taken the newspapers this long to arrive at this conclusion. The Peter Pan of Pop, a man who has at times had trouble breathing the same air as the rest of the planet, disappearing into a room with a galley pot, a copy of Fiesta and a nervous smile is surely one of the most unlikely and, indeed, inconceivable of scenarios.

Catch up.